Holiday Message From Malaysia

A letter written late in the night, for two dear friends in London who are married to each other.

dear xxxx and xxxxxxx, happy holidays! it must be freezing where you are at. it rains here, just now driving home from work, the rain was so fine, it was almost like mist falling down… it was nice to see it being caught in the yellow street lamps. i took a photo of the view when i was waiting for the traffic light to turn green. there were a lot of overhead roads and such…. i was reminded of xxxx’s work…

i have just ended a rather stressful work period, and now i can truly relax, but there seems to be a pressure in my chest… it’s hard to believe we will all be one year older… i want to spend more time with the people i love. especially the parents. living away from them has made our relationship closer.. my mother works in a haberdashery now near our home, i’m drawing little diagrams and teaching her how to pronounce things: sequins, beads, embroidery, lace…………. my father hangs out with his jogging partners… he has lost a lot of weight and looks/feels happier, being a little more social, like plays guitars at gatherings and all. i am happy to see all that…. i have made up my mind to look for a new home for them in 2010… they deserve somewhere better…. where they live now is more suited to young immigrants…. they have aged tremendously though…. for christmas i am going to get them a lot of healthy food…. they never want to splurge so much, so i’ll try to do it for them….

my grandmother has aged a lot too and it worries me that she is so fragile now… after the removal of a patch of skin cancer on her face, she has been very skinny and is telling us how numb her feet are, “like ice in the morning” she says.. she has to use a hair dryer to warm it up…. i told her to be careful not to burn the nerves…. she wouldn’t know if it’s overheating it….. poor woman.. she says her end is near and she doesn’t request for a lavish funeral ceremony…. “three nights of chanting” would do… her husband (my grandfather) took up about 5 days i think…. (it was in 1997…Lady D died during the chanting period)…. it was a taoist/buddhist ceremony…. my grandfather’s coffin was outdoors at the porch…. and his offspring, my mother and aunts… would have to crawl on the floor from the neighbour’s house to the grandparents’ home….. and must say things like “father i’m back home father your son/daughter is back home”, the ceremony guy would guide them…. i’ve never seen any of these aunts, and my mother.. let out such emotions before…. crawling on the concrete and sandy grounds releasing noises like an animal, so loud…… all with speeches towards my grandfather’s coffin… the daughter in law said something like “please forgive me for being mean you in your life” etc… that type of thing… full of regret….

i’m sorry i rambled about this! just feel like sending out a long email to the both of you. i miss your presence, and i don’t see xxxxxxx online so much now. hopefully things are comfortably well… like how it is here. are you on a holiday together perhaps? it was three years ago we met for the first time in tokyo. i just remember after dinner on the 25th, we were walking in the very cold streets and the japanese workers were already taking down the christmas decorations. i don’t see any spirit of christmas here, except some marks and spencer hampers at work… and the one christmas tree in the foyer which i helped decorate with the other faggy worker in the company…. gold and red…. it’s nearly 4am… i suppose i feel very emotional somehow, like i need someone to talk to.. so i’m just talking to you two with this email…. to tell you the truth i am just worried that i don’t see xxxxxxx online…. because my friend is dating a thai girl (long distance)…. the thai girl would always disappear for a period of time because she is PMSing, or is being overly sensitive… passive aggressive…. and my friend would get depressed and worried… i should get to bed……. i love you both and i hope we will reconnect soon…………….

— Jun Kit

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